migraines...

I think, deep down, migraines are one of my biggest struggles of life. They are the source of much frustration, lost time, blinding pain, feeling like a failure as a mom/wife/friend, feeling unreliable, undependable and so much more. If you have ever experienced a migraine, I feel for you. I wouldn't wish them on my worse enemy.

This isn't meant to be depressing, it's just a reality I have learned to live with, but I still hope.

I struggle with the "why"... Why do I have them?, why do I have them so bad?, why haven't I been healed?, why did I feel so great when I went to bed but when I woke up could not even move without throwing up?

And the "what"... What causes them?, what can I do differently?, what did I eat last night?, what supplement should try?, what if I had taken some medicine?

Some say, they are all in your head. Well, I say, yes, they are! My whole head throbs, sharp pains, moving pains, pain I can't describe nor want to remember. But it doesn't stop there, it affects my whole body, nothing seems to work right, I can't think straight. It actually hurts to think at all. My only hope is to maybe sleep, to block it out, but in a house of 7 people and a dog, sleep is mostly unreachable. Even in sleep, I can still feel pain.

I vomit sometimes over and over and over until nothing comes out anymore, but it keeps going. I wake up the next day hoping it will be gone and I can accomplish even one simple task, the ever surmounting laundry, the dishes, make the bed, but then it rebounds and comes back in even greater force. All the pain, all over again, another day gone.

All my commitments, down the drain.

I can't tell you how many games I have missed, how many recitals I so looked forward to seeing, special outings with friends, part of our honeymoon and so much more...

I can tell you that, migraines have forced me to slow down, to enjoy the little things, like being to hugs my kids in the morning, being able to make dinner, functioning normal. I guess this is what pain does to us. It helps us to appreciate the little things in life and not take them for granted.

I hope to find a healing one day, if not a healing, then a cure. Too many I know suffer from these awful things, my mom, my brother, my half-sister, my half-brother, my cousin and her daughter, .... my friends.

"Yet this will I call to mind, and therefore will I hope, because of the Lord's great love, I've been redeemed" Lamentations (I can't remember the reference #)

I know that God has redeemed me and my head as well. In the midst of pain, thankfully, my only reprieve is worship songs, scriptures and prayers that come to mind. If it wasn't for those (and when I can sleep), I don't know what I would do. I don't even know how they come into my brain, but they do over and over. Sometimes I can't remember what God has spoken to me after a migraine and sometimes I do, but whatever happens, I can focus on Him and somehow that helps keeps things in perspective.

The picture I chose for this is my husband. (& our children)

I'm extremely thankful for all those in my life who have helped out when I had a migraine. I'm thankful most of all for my husband, who has sacrificed over and over again for me, even the day after our wedding. He has always been dropped everything for me and done whatever he could to make me most comfortable, he has missed out, picked up, cleaned up, and loved me through every single one.

Our children as well have had to learn things they may never had, how to make dinner, change diapers, pick up responsibilities and miss out on things as well.

I appreciate my family and am so thankful for them.

I also am thankful for so many through out my life who have helped out when I had a migraine- Jolene, Michelle, Anita, Janell, Kathy, Candace, Crissie, Cindy, Jason & Sara, Ashonalee, Anne and so many more...

You have helped me in great time of need and I will forever be grateful.